Mothering In Your Own Words...My response:
Would you please share with me your thoughts and feelings about your mothering experiences and your goals, hopes, and aspirations for the future. Please respond in whatever direction you'd like. These are the kinds of questions I'd like to consider:
What do you want for yourself and for your children?
Where does your mother role or motherhood fit within these plans?
What choices do we have as mothers?
Do you believe that if women CHOOSE motherhood, we are supposed to give up other areas of our lives? What if we don't?
I want my children to be healthy and happy and safe. I want them to be responsible, caring, considerate, productive, compassionate, loving, trusting adults. For myself, I want to be balanced and healthy. Happy would be nice. I'm none of those things. I think I pour all of myself into taking care of and providing for my kids and have nothing left over for me.
I don't think that when we choose motherhood we should be expected to give up everything else. Yes, some things we have to give up - they are frankly incompatible with responsibly raising good people. Bad habits, bad behavior, long hours away from home, a certain degree of freedom (to come and go as you please, for example). Even people who can hire other people to help them raise their kids should give those things up. But we should not be expected to give up our jobs, talents, hobbies, interests, enthusiasms, joys, health, looks, laughter... I don't think that people expect moms to give up those last items, but the first ones are looked at as either/or propositions and since you do have to make sacrifices for the sake of responsible parenting, then I have found that the latter items fade away, too.
That sounds grim. I think it wasn't really that way so much when I was married - bearing the full burden of everything does make you lose all else. Motherhood is isolative enough, but you add on modern American life, and it's downright desolate.
Good thing I love the little buggers.
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